Fwd: FW: Saying The Right Thing - PRICELESS....

 

 

Rohit wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Rohit looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!" So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rohit asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, Rohit asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "Lady leave me alone! I'm married!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover -- Rs. 2000.00
Broken furniture -- Rs. 20,000.00
Breakfast -- Rs. 100.00
Saying "The Right Thing" While Drunk – PRICELESS

 

Fw: Information about the new Benguluru International Airport

The new Bengaluru International Airport will commence operations on Sarturday, May 24, 2008 (00:01 hours of May 23). All flights landing and departing after midnight will operate from the new airport and flights arriving before midnight (on May 23, 2008) and departing after midnight will also operate from the new airport.
As the date fast approaches, we would like to give you some insights into the whole new passenger experience that awaits you.


Departure from Bengaluru International Airport


Please find information on the location of the airport and the various means of transport how to get there in the attached materials. Once you arrived at the airport, enter the check in hall, which is common for domestic and international passengers. There are 53 Check In Counters and 18 self check in machines. There is no need to screen your bag before check in.
Once you have checked in, follow the domestic and international departure gate signs on the first floor and proceed through security. Post security check you have on offer a wide array of retail and food & beverage offerings. There are also comfortable lounges for first and business class passengers. Free Wi-Fi Internet is also available for those carrying their laptops.


Arrival a Bengaluru International Airport


The airport is equipped with adequate number of immigration counters and baggage carousels for quick baggage retrieval. A large duty free shop is also located in the baggage claim area.
The following means of transport are available from day one:
AC Volvo Buses operated by BMTC to key destinations in the city (Indicative Price to MG Road: Rs. 120)
Reliable professional taxi services operated by MERU and Easycabs, with a metered fare (Indicative Rate to MG Road: Rs. 600)
Premium Limusine Cars operated by Hertz and Akbar Travels C cars with drivers as well as self driven cars are available.




Please find attached three documents for your reference
1. Easy Guide to Bengaluru International Airport
2. BMTC route map and parking maps
3. Landmarks on the way to Bengaluru International Airport from Hebbal

Easy Guide to Bengaluru International Airport
- Bengaluru International Airport, the gateway to South India, is situated to the north of Bengaluru on the National Highway 7 and is 40kms from the city’s central business district.
- The Bengaluru International Airport will commence operations from 00:01 am on 24th May, 2008.

This Easy Guide will give you a snapshot of the airport and how to get there.

GETTING TO AND FROM BENGALURU INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

AIRPORT TAXI SERVICE: Easy Cabs and Meru Cabs operate professional and reliable
taxi services to and from Bengaluru International Airport.
The taxis wait on the inner curb right in front of the Terminal Building as well as in the
designated taxi area.
There is no need to purchase a voucher. You pay at the end of the journey based on the
metered fare. All journeys are tracked by GPRS. You can pay by credit card also and receive in
any case, a printed receipt in the car.
In case of a taxi requirement to the airport, you can call the following All India Call Center
Numbers given below:

Easy Cab : +91 (80 ) 4343-4343

Meru Cab: +91 ( 80) 4422 4422

Rates for Airport Taxi Service
Rs. 15 per km, plus waiting charge @ Rs. 60 per hour. Indicative rate to MG Road: Rs. 600

LIMOUSINE AND CAR RENTAL: Apart from the airport taxi service, passengers can also rent
premium cars. This service is provided by Akbar Travels and Hertz

Hertz +91 99725 02292

Akbar 1800 22 6000
Cars with drivers as well as self driven cars are available. Indicative rate upto 25 km: Rs. 1200 (e.g: Innova, Honda City)

AIRPORT SHUTTLE SERVICE to/from the Bangalore International Airport

Airport Shuttle Service connects various locations in the city

Shuttle Routes
Route - 1: Whitefield
Route - 2: Electronics City
Route - 3: HAL Airport
Route - 4: Jeevan Bhima Nagar
Route - 5: Koramangala
Route - 6: J.P. Nagar 6th Phase
Route - 7: M.C.T.C. Bus Station
Route - 8: Hebbal
Route - 9: Kempegowda Bus Station
Indicative rate to M.G. Road: Rs. 120

For exact timings please log on to www.bengaluruairport.com or check at the Airport Shuttle Bay. In general, the frequency of the buses is one every 30 minutes per route.

PARKING: Bengaluru International Airport provides parking facilities for 2000
vehicles at various rates as follows:

Parking Rates
A variety of shopping and dining options and various services are available at the airport.
P1 - Long Term Parking :
- Rs. 50 per 4 hours
- Rs. 300 for the first day (24 hours)
- Rs. 200 for every additional day

P2/P3 - General Parking:
- Rs. 40 per 2 hours
- Rs. 20 per every additional hour

Drop-off and Pick-up Area:
- No charges for the first 10 minutes
- Rs. 50 for every additional 15 minutes

Premium Pick-up Area:
- Rs. 50 for first 15 minutes
- Rs. 50 per every additional 15 minutes

Valet Service:
- Rs. 150 for the service
- Valet parking charge is as per the rates charged for P1 - Long Term Parking (refer above)

PORTER SERVICE at the Bangalore International Airport
Porter Service Rates
• Rs. 70 minimum charges for upto three bags
• Rs. 25 for every additional bag
• Rs. 250 for group baggage (12bags)
• No tips

SHOPPING, DINING AND OTHER FACILITIES

OTHER FACILITIES: • 4 Lounges • Business Center (Opening in July) • Free Wifi facility • Postal
Service • 21 Airline Counters • 8 ATM machines • 4 Baby Care Rooms • 3 Foreign Exchange Services.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR INTERNATIONAL PASSENGERS travelling to/from the Bangaluru International Airport

A User Development Fee of Rs. 1070 will be collected from all outbound international passengers using the Bengaluru International Airport. The User Development Fee is towards the cost for construction and operation of the airport and has been approved by the Ministry of Civil Aviation of India.

Departure before or on 30 June, 2008
International Passengers traveling out of Bengaluru International Airport before or on 30 June, 2008 will have to make payment of the User Development Fee at the counters provided in the check-in hall or on the first floor before emigration check counters. Passengers should produce the receipt of payment at the time of emigration check.
Payment can be made by cash, debit card or credit card (Visa/Mastercard only).
If you are paying by cash you are requested to provide exact change for quicker processing.
Please allow 10 minutes for the transaction during peak hours between 2200 hrs and 0300 hrs. And about 3-5 minutes at all other times.

Departure on or after 01 July, 2008
For passengers traveling out of Bengaluru International Airport on or after 01 July, 2008, the User Development Fee will be included in your ticket.
Exemptions
Infants under the age of 2 years and Airline Crew on duty are exempted from User development Fee.

FW: Management Lesson - Good One

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!!

FW: The Washerman and the Foolish Donkey Story

Have you heard the story of "The Washerman and the Foolish Donkey"?
 
To refresh your memory, and for the benefit of those who have not grown up listening to this moral story, it goes like this…

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"

Now take a new look at the same story…

The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a "meets requirement". Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation.....
 
Disclaimer:
All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional. 
  

Fw: Aishwarya v/s Mallika

Santa : What Do U Want?

Banta:I Want To Marry AISHWARYA RAI

Santa:Beta She Wear SarisWorth Rs.25000 U Cant Afford Take MALLIKA

Fwd: Credit card skimming !!

Credit Card Skimming
SKIMMING is the direct transfer of electronic data from the magnetic strip on a credit card or debit card to a card-reading device. The skimmed data is then transferred from the reading device onto another plastic card that has a magnetic strip on it. The fraudster can then create a card with the same characteristics and use it freely - till identified or caught. Needless to add, skimming is illegal.

Credit card skimming is an international problem accounting for losses of over one-billion dollars a year. This type of credit card scam is common in Europe, Asia and Latin America and is starting to show up more in the United States.

This scam is easy to run - it can happen when you give your credit card to a store employee to make a purchase. That employee may not only swipe your card for payment, but also swipe the card with a small machine they hold in their hand known as a skimmer. This small device will store the information from your card into its system. The skimmer is equipped to hold information on hundreds of credit cards and from this information, the crooks are able to produce counterfeit cards.

There are skimming rings working all over the world and once your information is put into the skimmer, it is then downloaded into a computer, ready to be emailed to anyone worldwide.

A decade ago, this fraud was not as easy to accomplish as it is today, due to the fact skimmers were very large and had to be hidden under

counters. However, with the advance of technology in the past ten years, they have been able to streamline the skimmer, making it small enough to be hand-held and out of sight of the unwary customer making a purchase. These skimmers are easy to buy; in fact, they can be purchased over the internet at around $300. The machine needed to make counterfeit credit cards is a much larger investment - costing $5,000 to $10,000.

Another form of this scam is done by actually pulling information directly from the credit card terminals. A skimmer bug is placed into the terminal and later retrieved with credit card information on it. Only the older terminals can be violated in this way and with the onset of new credit card terminals, this has alleviated much of this bugging.

As soon as the crooks have their needed information on you, they will start their shopping sprees using your credit card number. They purchase all types of merchandise and charge it to your credit card. Over half of credit card fraud is done over the internet with online purchases. With shopping on the internet becoming more and more popular, card fraud on the internet has also increased.

The crooks will also use the internet to verify the card information is valid. They will purchase many low-ticket items through various websites, checking to see if the card is active. Internet processing of card purchases is done by real-time processing and not handled by a person; thus, no chance of them being caught trying to use a stolen card number.

Where can skimming take place?
Skimming generally takes place at petrol stations, restaurants, hotels and such outlets where the swipe terminal is not in your sight.

Warning signs:

• A shop assistant takes your card out of your sight in order to process your transaction.
• You are asked to swipe your card through more than one machine.
• You notice something suspicious (e.g. an attached device) about the card slot on an ATM.
• You notice a strange or unauthorized transaction in your account.

Tips to avoid becoming a victim of skimming:

• Keep your PIN safe. Don't give/tell it to anyone.
• Watch out for people who try to "help" you at an ATM.
• Look at the ATM before using it. If it doesn't look right, don't use it.
• If an ATM has any unusual signage, don't use it.
• If your card is not returned after the transaction or after pressing 'Cancel', contact your card issuing authority immediately.
• Check your bank account statements to ensure that there are no unusual withdrawals.

 

Fwd: Google is sorry ! :)

Google

Error

We're sorry...

... but your query looks similar to automated requests from a computer virus or spyware application. To protect our users, we can't process your request right now.

We'll restore your access as quickly as possible, so try again soon. In the meantime, if you suspect that your computer or network has been infected, you might want to run a virus checker or spyware remover to make sure that your systems are free of viruses and other spurious software.

If you're continually receiving this error, you may be able to resolve the problem by deleting your Google cookie and revisiting Google. For browser-specific instructions, please consult your browser's online support center.

If your entire network is affected, more information is available in the Google Web Search Help Center.

We apologize for the inconvenience, and hope we'll see you again on Google.

Fwd: Smith on the IPL

Smith on the IPL

With the Indian Premier League in full swing, Dan Nicholl speaks exclusively to South African captain Graeme Smith about cricket's revolution, life in India, and playing in the same side as Shane Warne…

Dan: You've been in India now for a while, Graeme, and we've all been watching with interest. What would you say the highlights have been so far?

Graeme: Hmmm… Difficult one, Dan. There's a lot to weigh up, a lot to consider – it's been a bit of a blur, with so much crammed into such a short space of time. But if I had to single out a few highlights, I'd probably go with the chicken masala in Bangalore, the lamb korma in Calcutta, and the garlic nan bread we had before the last game against the Delhi Daredevils. That was something special.

Dan: I see. And any cricket highlights so far…?

Graeme: Definitely. Playing in front of a full house, the adrenaline at the crease, getting another innings started for the Royals – it's electric out there, and I'm loving every minute of it.

Dan: The Rajasthan Royals are top of the IPL, and it looks to be going smoothly. Any criticisms with the competition?

Graeme: Not really. Dinner break is a little short, perhaps — you don't have time for much more than a little breyani, maybe a poppadom or two. And I wouldn't have minded bowling a few overs, I suppose.

Dan: The South African papers have been awash with letters demanding to know why you haven't been bowling. Is there a reason?

Graeme: Shane's spoken to me, and said that my Test and one-day averages already look like Twenty20 figures, so I assume he means I'm ready to bowl. I can only think he's keeping me for later in the tournament. Quite a few of the other teams have told me that they really think I should get a bowl, so it's only a matter of time, I'm sure.

Dan: Speaking of Shane, what's it like playing with Warnie. We weren't sure you two would get along very well…

Graeme: Media causing trouble again, Dan, that's all. Shane and I are great mates, and we always have been. I've learnt a lot from, little things you only pick after a long spell in the game. Did you know, for instance, that if you're a top spin bowler, like Shane and myself, the best way to strengthen your spinning fingers is to send text messages on your mobile phone? Shane sends dozens a day, and look what it's done for him as a bowler.

Dan: You've got a lot of texts to send, then… How about the other South Africans. Are they doing okay?

Graeme: Mixed bag, to be honest. Polly's been great, Albie and Bouch have done well, but Jacques hasn't quite got going yet, and I'm worried about Herschelle. Every time he sees an Indian policeman he goes pale, and he made us all swear that if anyone asked, he'd never even met Nicky Bojé or Pieter Strydom. Hopefully he'll get some runs soon.

Dan: And have you had anything to do with Harbajhan?

Graeme: India's Andre Nel? Not since he made Sreesanth burst into tears, no. It's a pity he's out, 'cos the crowds love him, but you can't pick on Sreesanth. He's like Roger Federer — you know he's only going to start crying when he gets emotional.

Dan: Speaking of emotional, lots of emotional South Africans on the news that you may be staying in India?

Graeme: I saw the reports, and they're not really accurate. I'll be coming back later in the year for a brief stint, and there will be more visits in the coming years, but South Africa's still home.

Dan: Any particular reason for the visits?

Graeme: I suppose I might as well tell you. I've got a cameo with Brett Lee in a movie that's filming in Mumbai later in the year, and depending on how that goes, I could come back with Jacques for a feature film early next year. Between my Momentum adverts and Jacques's work with Sanex, I think we're ready for the big screen, and Bollywood's a perfect platform.

Dan: And the film in question…?

Graeme: Probably an historical romantic comedy thriller. I'll play a Hugh Grant meets Steven Seagal type character, with Jacques playing a flamboyant opera singer who's secretly a spy. It's all very exciting, and we've done a couple of early readings. But that's a long way off — for now it's taking the Royals to the final, and hopefully taking a few wickets along the way. And some more of that garlic nan bread in Delhi…

Fwd: Letter to Dad !

  

A  father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.......
 
Dear Dad,
 
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real happiness with Randy and he
is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the this happiness Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid
and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days, is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
 
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my  dreams too.
 
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
 
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your
grandchildren.
 
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
 
 
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still trembling, and slight pain in the chest her father turned the sheet, and read:
 
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

 

FW: Atlast he got it!

he asked symonds

he asked hayden

he even asked kaif

finally he got it from harbajan

Fwd: FW: Sreesanth in Dubai......Dont miss...!

 

Fwd: FW: Born Brave :-)

I am sure u r standing on the bed...J

Fwd: FW: Why did the chicken cross the road? - Very good!!!

 Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

 

Name	Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN BOY	To get to the other side.
PLATO	For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE	It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX	It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY	Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK	To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES	Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.	I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES	And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON	The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI	The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
BILL GATES	The newly released Chicken 2003, will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
DARWIN	Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN	Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference and relativity.
GEORGE BUSH	We are committed to establishing a democracy where chickens freely cross roads without oppression from terrorist organizations.
Azharuddin	I am totally innocent, you know, I'm unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the minority..... I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know....
George Fernandes	I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!
Mulayam	I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned
ARJUN SINGH	Our policy will ensure the development of socially underprivileged chickens so that they can also cross roads.
Abdul Kalam	Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? .. please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road... now repeat after me ....
Advani	I see Pakistani hand in this ...
Vatal Nagaraj	No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!.
Bal Thackarey	Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road.
Jayalalithaa	From reliable sources I've got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTA.
Amitabh Bachhan	The chicken has crossed the road?.. are you sure.. very sure ... really sure...
Venkaiah Naidu	"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"
H.S.Surjeet	We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back..
Maneka Gandhi	Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens...

 

 

Fwd: FW: Time to Laugh!!!!!

.

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",

Major: "Excellent! We can now attack in any direction"!

=====================================================================

What is the height of mixed emotions???

when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur Mercedes!!!!

======================================================================

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?

Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

======================================================================

bhikari : sahab ek rupiya de do.

Sahab : tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.

Bhikari : abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?

======================================================================

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

================================================================================================ =========================================

Fwd: FW: Situations Where "OH SHIT" Is Considered Appropriate

 

Fwd: FW: A man and his Wife's......... Cat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there.

The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same thing happened.
He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept on coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.

Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.

Frustrated, the man said,

"Put that bloody cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions."

Fwd: FW: Gujarati boy and his business

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most respected man,whom people consider God, who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."

As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"

Fwd: Bombay , zara bachke

Bombay , Zara Bachke

Rude city? You bet, says Mumbaikar Jerry Pinto in defence of a metropolis too busy to mind its manners but always ready to help when trouble comes
Reader's Digest, which interests itself in these things, tells us that Mumbai is the rudest city in the world. This is also the magazine that carried a story saying that global warming might be good for us.
I swear, they did this in May, when my cousins in Nagpur were reporting that the city was burning up at 52 degrees centigrade.
I come not to praise Mumbai, however. I come to ask whether the Reader's Digest editors really mean it when they say that New York is the politest city in the world? What is it to be polite? In London , a terribly polite city by my experience, a young woman refused to lend her scarf to be used as a tourniquet when a man was stabbed on the bus. He bled to death. I am sure, the young woman said, "I'm sorry but it's an expensive scarf." The person who asked for the scarf probably said, "Right. Cheers." Meanwhile, the blood pulsed on from the dying man's neck.
In Mumbai, my mother once was forced to go to a public hospital with a torn-up leg. In front of her, the poor waited in the way that the poor wait, endlessly, patiently, quietly. When she joined the line, they all assessed their need, assessed hers and stepped out of the way wordlessly. She went to the top of the line, protesting quietly all the way. She did not bleed to death. Perhaps, she even forgot to thank all those people. Perhaps, they did not expect to be thanked.
But since no one seems to have bothered about definitions, let's dump them too. Perhaps it is polite to be a city like New York where all the shop assistants say thank you and please and the doormen are ready to open the door for you but there are 55,000 violent crimes a year. And that represents a 10-year low. Perhaps Mumbai with its 122 murders in six months must be significantly ruder but less lethal.
But are we rude?

Sudhir Mishra
Filmmaker

" My dominant image for Mumbai. I'm standing outside Mahalaxmi railway station, it starts to rain. A man comes out with an umbrella and starts to walk away. He notices another man getting wet, he pauses, and in an unspoken way invites him under the umbrella. Then they see me, and I get under as well. That's Bombay . Three men sharing an umbrella, all getting wet. There's less space under the umbrella now ? too many people, too little infrastructure, but people are still sharing it. "
Yes, we are rude. We are almost always rude. Cities are always rude. We are the only city in the country. Delhi is a bunch of villages held together by the politics of power and some nice roads. Chennai is a self-satisfied town which wants to be known for its culture. Bangalore looked like it might well grow up to be a city but now that it's got the opportunity to do it, it's choking itself to death. Calcutta had its moment of glory in the 19th century when they built lots of mansions and factories and set up the kind of intellectual atmosphere of a Cambridge debating society. Then they lost it, the Bangla babus and settled into making funny kurtas for their men to wear and selling Bankuda horses to the rest of the country.
Yes, we are rude. We don't have time for that. We're too busy dragging the rest of you into some semblance of wealth. We're too busy earning the money that runs the country. We're too busy paying for the Delhi and Kolkata Metros. We're too busy earning the money to pay the 75 percent of the income tax paid by the country. In Kolkata, they don't earn money. In Bangalore , they know how to hide it cyberwise. In Delhi , everyone's a farmer with agricultural income that's tax free.

Sarayu Srivastava
Writer

" I think of Mumbai as a very cold but sensuous woman ? it all depends on how you warm her up. In this city every kindness begets more kindness. Delhi 's eyes literally undress you. Mumbai sees you first as a person then a woman. People do tend to keep their distance here, but if you try and do something nice, a sudden sensitive humanness peeps out. It's hardship city ? it gets by on humour. " Land-starved Mumbai? The 14 million of us, we dream of the kind of space that young couples have in Delhi . We'd like a barsati too. We won't get it. But we'll work hard at it. The shop assistant who doesn't thank you probably goes home to his 'side business' and puts in another two or three hours. This could be anything from making papads to selling insurance to giving private tuition. It leaves him with very little time or inclination to say thank you.
But when trouble comes, he will do what he can. In the cataclysmic floods of last year, the average person did what the government could not. They threw open their homes. They left the security of dry land and waded into the water to rescue children. They formed human chains to take people off the buses. They made tea and snacks and gave it to people. Contrast that to the way Americans behaved when Hurricane Katrina struck. People went on the rampage. They shot at each other, even at their rescuers. They assaulted each other. They looted abandoned homes. In Mumbai, no violence was reported. No violence happened. Ask me, I walked home. Ask my sister, she walked home too. Together, we covered a distance of 30 kilometres that day and we only saw people helping each other, people offering support and solidarity.

Milind Deora
Politician

" My idea of Bombay ? A waiter serving in the Taj ? during the day he might be serving Bill Gates and he'll carry himself with aplomb, be as cosmopolitan as anyone. At night he'll be taking the train to Dharavi, return to his slum, put on his lungi and baniyan, help his old parents, help wash dishes, and watch TV. You can be everything at the same time in Bombay . It's like that old Sinatra song ? if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. "
One of the most compelling images in Suketu Mehta's essay which Naresh Fernandes and I included in our anthology, Bombay Meri Jaan: Writings on Mumbai (Penguin India, 2003) ? but read on:
If you are late for work in Bombay, and reach the station just as the train is leaving the platform, you can run up to the packed compartments and you will find many hands stretching out to grab you on board, unfolding outward from the train like petals. As you run alongside you will be picked up, and some tiny space will be made for your feet on the edge of the open doorway. The rest is up to you; you will probably have to hang on the door frame with your fingertips, being careful not to lean out too far lest you get decapitated by a pole placed too close to the tracks. But consider what has happened. Your fellow passengers, already packed tighter than cattle are legally allowed to be, their shirts already drenched in sweat in the badly ventilated compartment, having stood like this for hours, retain an empathy for you, know that you boss might yell at you or cut your pay if you miss this train, and will make space where none exists, to take one more person with them. And
at the moment of contact, they do not know if the hand that is reaching theirs belongs to a Hindu or Muslim or Christian or Brahmin or untouchable or whether you were born in the city or arrived only this morning or whether you live in Malabar Hill or Jogeshwari; whether you are from Bombay or Mumbai or New York. All they know is that you're trying to get to the city of gold, and that's enough. Come on board, they say. We'll adjust.

FWD:For all the margarine eaters

This is a MUST read if you have heart problems, and if you don't then even better as it will just maybe help keep you from getting them.


From: Dr. Sara Reynolds
Pass the butter ~ ~ ~ ~ This is interesting.

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavorings.

DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and butter?

Read on to the end...gets very interesting!

Both have the same amount of calories.

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams.


Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.


Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.

Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!

Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods.

Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine..

Very high in trans fatty acids.

Triple risk of coronary heart disease.

Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol)

Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.

Lowers quality of breast milk.

Decreases immune response.

Decreases insulin response.


And here's the most disturbing fact.... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS! VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC..

This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).
You can try this yourself:

Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:

* no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)


* it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?


Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to "butter them up")

Fwd: Lifeguard's Secret

This young man went to the beach in search of girls, and after strolling around for some time, he wasn't even getting a glance from any of them. He began to feel kind of discouraged, and he noticed that they were flirting with the lifeguard.

He walked up to the lifeguard and asked him how he was able to attract so many girls. The lifeguard said that the secret was to put a potato inside of his trunks.

So the next morning the young man put a potato in his trunks and went back to the beach. This time the girls were giving him disgusted looks and were turning away from him.

He went back to the lifeguard and asked why it didn't work. The lifeguard said, "Try it again tomorrow and this time, put the potato in front".

Fwd: Ten Years on a Deserted Island

A chap is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba suit arrives at the island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he answers.

She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky?

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle of malt whisky and gives it to him.

He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some real fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Do not tell me that you got golf clubs in there!"