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PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THIS BANNER! |
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Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Fwd: How Indian mind works
NOT A STORY BUT A
TRUE INCIDENT
An Indian man walks into a bank in
New York City and asks for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business
for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank
will need some form of security for the loan,
so the Indian man hands over the keys
and documents of new Ferrari parked
on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept
the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers
all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian
for using a $250,000 Ferrari
as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then
drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns,
repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says,
"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away,
we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000" ?
The Indian replies:
"Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks for only $15.41
and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...
This is why India is shining
Fwd: Microsoft - Dont miss this chance...ITS NOT FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FYI.............
. Why not take a chance?
Dear Friends,
Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates is sharing his fortune. If you ignore this you will repent later. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test.
When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period.
For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $241.00. Within two week! s, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a cheque.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Fw: MONKEY IN THE PLANE
MONKEY IN THE PLANE
Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.
Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.
Officer: 'When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Tying their belts'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Saying Hello! Good morning!'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Checking the system'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Looking for my people'
Officer: 'After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Having beverages and snacks'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Serving the travelers'
Officer: 'What were the Pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Eating & throwing'
Officer: 'After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Some were sleeping and some were reading'
Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Make up'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'
Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Nothing'
Officer: 'Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'All were sleeping'
Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the air hostess'
Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!
No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fw: Email Scam ... BeAWARE
Ref: SA2010/LO6278
Batch: 2008/JHB/DM/F36
Dear Winner,
The Local organizing committee (LOC) of the South African 2010 FIFA World Cup
happily announces to you the draws of the 2010 FIFA World cup international
promotion lottery program held in conjunction with Swissmail.org here
in Zurich, Switzerland on the 14th of June, 2008. Your e-mail address
attached to ticket number: B9665 75604546 199 with Serial number 97560
drew the winning numbers: 5, 22, 31, 36, 43, 48 and BONUS NUMBER 38 in
the draw which was co-sponsored by world football's governing body,
FIFA, and their principal sponsors. Your have therefore been approved
to claim a total sum of US$1,820,000.00 (One Million, Eight Hundred
and Twenty Thousand United States Dollars Only) credited to file
number SA2010/INL/CPT9265/06.
To file for your claim, immediately send your full names, address, telephone
numbers, sex, date of birth, occupation, nationality and the reference
and batch numbers at the top left hand side of this message to our
"PRINCIPAL CLAIM AGENT" as soon as you get this message. His contact
details are;
Name: Mr. Mafika Mahlangu.
TEL: +27-73-567-2427 Fax: +27-865-118-819
E-mail: mafikamahlangu@pnetmail.co.za or mafikamahlangu@aol.com
Signed:
Mrs. Alexander Moore (Zonal Co-coordinator).
Mr. Danny JORDAAN (Chief Executive Officer).
Fw: Genealogy
A little girl asked her mother,
'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered,
'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered,
'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered,
'Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Fw: deadlock situation
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
so make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.
Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement
Fw: Free hair cut
There
was a good old barber in Hyderabad. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ......
Scroll down for answer...................
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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... With Printouts of the Forwarded mail mentioning about free
haircut!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Fwd: Men always have better friends
A wife was not at home for a whole night.
A husband was not at home for a whole night.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Fwd: FW: LIFE SEEN THROUGH A KID'S MIND.
Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.
Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.
On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. 'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me.....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Fw: Girls are complex
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you do not understand
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
That's A GIRL!
~~~~~
Fw: Car operating System aka Windows
Car operating system
Bill's company made software to run a car.
Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.
Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.
A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"
Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.
In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.
He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.
Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.
A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.
All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.
Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."
Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."
Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.
*******
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Fw: Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)...
Time for some male bashing..... (For a change)...
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit
The ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
Intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Pass this on to some women who need a laugh...
And to men who can handle it!
Fw: Expensive place
When I got home from work last night, my wife demanded
that I take her out to some place expensive................ ....
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So I took her to a petrol station
Fw: Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?
Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether
any 're
-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that
.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
Banta
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Fw: Bill Gates 11 rules of life
Gates' Rules
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School
about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school
. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1
: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2
: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3
: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4
: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5
: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6
: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7
: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8
: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9
: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10
: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11
: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Fw: Microsoft crazy facts
Microsoft's Crazy Facts
MAGIC #1
Nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the computer which can be named as "CON".
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW, IT WILL NOT CREATE "CON" FOLDER
MAGIC #2
This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened!
Try it out yourself...
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
And then press ENTER
MAGIC #3
For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1. Open an empty notepad file
2. Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3. Save it as whatever you want.
4. Close it, and re-open it.
Is it just a really weird bug?
You can try the same thing above with another sentence "this app can break"
Explanation for Magic #1:
In windows the folder name and the special system variables share the same interface, so when you create a folder with a system variable name it will consider that folder already exist!!
These special system variables are available irrespective of path
You cannot create a folder with these names also:
CON, NUL, COM1, COM2, COM3, LPT1, LPT2, LPT3,COM1 to COM9 and LPT1 to LPT9....
CON means console, COM1 means serial port 1, LPT1 means parallel port 1
Fw: Manager v/s Engineer
Once upon a time, a man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He
reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and
shouted. "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him
an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied. "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 50 and 51 degrees
north latitude and between 114 and 115 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make use of your information. The fact
is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If
anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be aMANAGER."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "
You don't know where you are or where you're going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep,
and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems.
The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we
met,
but now, somehow, you've managed to make it my fault!!"__
UR also a manager kya???
